As a child, I was often told I was “brave” and “strong” for living with a disability. I was told I was an inspiration for handling life with a smile. I was called “resilient”, even a “hero”. I was only a child, living my life, handling the cards I’ve been dealt with the best of my abilities. This included a missing bone, operations and painful procedures. I always felt a cringe when people said such words, but only in the last year or so I got to fully understand why!
Being an object of inspiration porn has got in the way of me accepting my body, and myself. I felt I had to be “strong”, “brave” and “unstoppable”- examples of adjectives I’ve heard from others about me. We internalise so much of what adults tell us as we form our sense of self. And so when my foot or leg were sore, I also felt anxious as I felt I had to push through those feelings, pain and keep going.
The well-intentioned words came with an implication that I always have to inspire, it implied it is my duty to be a hero – overcoming immense obstacles. Mind Over Matter. And so I pushed. Sometimes my body caved in and provided temporary obedience. Other times- it yelled out NO by creating unbearable pain I could not ignore. This led to feeling inadequate and a failure as a person. It was disheartening not to be able to live up to my “potential” and the expectations I was carrying on my shoulders. Feeling I’m letting others and myself down quickly turned into feeling down about myself.
Our bodies are matter, often with its own will. I learnt to ignore my body’s signals, But I still couldn’t transform my leg into having another bone, or magically make an eight-centimeter leg difference disappear. I’ve tried praying, hoping, crossing fingers. But our bodies obviously don’t always cooperate in the magical way we want it to. Able-bodied people might know what this means when they come across things like age, illness or pregnancy. Being out of control of your body can be distressing if you thought you were in control!
So what exactly is inspiration porn? Inspiration porn refers to considering an achievement something that isn’t considered extraordinary, if you take disability out of the context. This means people with disabilities are seen as objects of inspiration rather than real, live, humans, with their own values, aspirations, emotions. This type of behavior perpetuates two false and damaging ideas: one- that disability is a bad thing. Two- that living with disability is an achievement. None of these are true, and both ideas are damaging to us, people who actually live with disabilities. When people do this, they are objectifying one group of people (disabled people) to the benefit of another group of people (able-bodied people). This behavior makes our life harder, by making society exclude us rather than work on inclusion, so that we can live the fulfilled life that we deserve. In other words, by being the object of inspiration porn, we are being further disabled by the society we live in.
How did I change my view on this? Learning about the term inspiration porn was so relieving. I was able to look into my internalised ableism and expectations which were unrealistic. I realised I had become expectant of my body to function like it never had a missing bone in the first place. “Nothing stops her!” “So determined” – these in my head turned into an identity of being strong, and any complaint, or “caving into” pain or limitations, was considered a failure. I realised how damaging this is- to my body, mind and soul. I was ignoring pain signals, instead of thanking my body, I ignored then resented it, then kept on walking, cycling, or body pumping. I can be like everyone else. Then, my body fought back with more severe pain, to the point I had to stop. I felt low, depressed, resentful and angry. I was angry at myself, my leg, my life, my parents, at everything. This was the damage to my mind. And soul. I cried, and felt excluded, and let down by the world, but mainly, by myself, how did my mind not get over these obsctables? “You can do anything you want!” What a lie! This realisation was extremely difficult to comprehend. To try and reconcile my body’s signals to STOP and my mind’s signals to PUSH THROUGH.
It took a while, but I have decided. I’ve decided to listen to my body, to feel embodied, to connect with my senses fully. To accept that pain is natural and a good thing, because it helps us prevent tissue damage. I’ve learnt to accept my body is not like everyone else’s. It is unique. And that is a good thing. I may not be able to complete a 50 km hike in the mountains of India like some of my friends, but I can do things other people can’t. Like change the whole way I view myself, like understand emotional and physical pain deeply or teach people about inclusiveness.
Now, I feel grateful to have more acceptance of my body. More often than not I accept my limitations and crash on the couch instead of trying to vacuum. I don’t get frustrated, sad or depressed about my leg or back pain. I just take some pain killers, rest and chat to my disabled community about pain-reduction tricks. (Who knew magnesium can make such a difference?).
This is why I am writing this post. Because I don’t want the next generation of disabled children to go through the pain that I did to get here, they deserve better. We have social media and internet available, and we can use it to educate. We can help these children feel embodied, accepted and celebrated, rather than objectified.
If you still think you don’t care about any of this, and enjoy using your child (or other people) to inspire yourself or others, consider this- wouldn’t you prefer to be cautious, in case your child feels the way that I, and many other people with disbilities feel? Do you really want to take the risk?
So, how can you avoid using inspiration porn? Here is a guide: Don’t do it. Use the rule of thumb- put yourself in the disabled person’s shoes. Ask people what they want and need. Lastly, challenge your own ableist attitudes and call these out. Make our society a place we can all thrive in, not only those born with a particular body shape.
Until next time,
L. K. Bridgford
Note- my explanation of the concept inspiration porn comes from my understanding of it, based on reading and listening to disability writers and activists. (To name a couple: Stella Young and Carly Findlay). If you like to read or hear more about it, feel free to message me on social media (links at the bottom right of my website).