Read My Latest Posts – Page 6

16 July 201919 July 2019

Ten things you can do while you commute for a better life

I’ve returned to paid work recently after a while, which means I am commuting again. It takes me almost an hour each way, which involves two trams, or a bus and a tram, or a tram and a train, as well as multiple walking stints. With our growing city (and world), many people commute to work or study each day. If you are one of them, you may find these tips handy.

I try to enjoy my commute as much as I can, and view it as time for myself, for my thoughts, writing or silence, depending on my mood. It can be so easy to complain about our commute (which I do as well!), and so I thought it helpful to think of ways to be positive about it, for my sake as much as yours.

Here are a few things you can try for a happier commute today;

Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Many of us Melbournians are immigrants, and so may have friends or family overseas. It might be a friend from a few suburbs away who has a different schedule to you. Either way, morning or after work commute is perfect for a catch up (perhaps with a coffee at hand each).
Listen to an interesting and thought-provoking podcast. Like Ladies We Need to Talk, Life Matters, Hand-in-Hand parenting, or the many more out there. It is refreshing to think of something that’s not work or housework for a short while.
Speak to someone next to you on public transport. It doesn’t have to be a D&M, a simple hello will do. It can turn someone else’s morning from a cramped, rushed commute to a friendly warm ride. I bet you’ll be better off too. If you’re driving, try chatting to a colleague you don’t normally do when you get to work instead.
Add physical exercise that suits your abilities. Whether it’s getting off one stop earlier or simply taking a small flight of stairs, adding physical movement to your day will benefit your physical and mental health. You’ll be surprised how many core exercises can be done sitting or standing on the train! Even noticing and correcting your posture is helpful, standing up tall or sitting straighter. Something is better than nothing, always.
Plan your day or even morning– if you can, write down the big tasks you need to get done first (the hardest), or even what you’ll have for dinner. Making your day simpler means less decisions need to be made, which will add more energy into your day.
Add a self-care activity to your week– use the time on your commute to think about what rejuvenates you, what feels good to nurture your soul. For some it’s a dinner with a friend, others reading a favorite book, others a gym session. Whatever it is, schedule it in your calendar and commit to following through. Even knowing you have an hour of self-care ahead in the week can make a daunting week feel worthwhile.
Use social media strategically– instead of scrolling purposelessly through your newsfeed, why not reach out to an old friend or say congratulations to someone’s good news? There’s so many groups out there of support for people dealings with similar experiences, why not join one? If there’s someone or thing (like a page) that makes you feel anxious or low when you see they’re posts, consider unfollowing or unfriending them.
Enjoy the ride– whether it’s on the tram, train or in your car, try to think of your commute as a trip rather than commute. Try to practice mindfulness, noticing the view, the streets, houses, shops, and people around. Practice being grateful for having a job or study to commute to, many people don’t get that opportunity!
Meditate– each of us may have a slightly different definition of meditation. It can be listening to a favourite song, silence or a guided meditation exercise. Research has shown the benefits of mediation for our mental health, and a long commute is the perfect time to practice! Smiling mind is a great free app to try easy meditations you can do anywhere. If you’re driving, maybe focus on mindfulness and keep your eyes open 😉
Nourish yourself– take a healthy snack for the ride so you don’t feel hangry and spread that energy on your way to or at work first thing in the morning.

Here’s to a happier commuting to us all.

L. K. Bridgford

2 July 20192 July 2019

10 Things You Can Do Today To Bring Patriarchy Down

It’s an issue I spend a lot of time contemplating. It is after all, the structure of our society, the lens through which many of us view the world. It is also extremely dangerous, discriminatory and oppressing. That is patriarchy. As a response to a comment about a previous post, I thought it worthy to put forward my thoughts on the topic. Reading powerful books such as Boys Will Be Boys by Clementine Ford helped elaborate my language and knowledge on the issue.

Flashing news! Patriarchy is not only dangerous for women, it is dangerous for us all. You need not look far to find the damages it inflicts upon us. From one woman being killed every week in Australia, rape, to the six males who complete suicide each day in Australia. Being put in boxes because of one’s genitals or gender identity means we are all restricted and get hurt. It must stop.

If you worry about the well-being of our people and want to help this change, here are a few steps you can take today to help end the madness, bring patriarchy down, and ultimately make our community a safer place for everyone.

Stop Saying (and thinking) “Boys Will Be Boys”. They will not. Boys and men are not programmed to be violent, rapist or aggressive, we just allow them to be by making comments such as this, justifying their behaviour. Condemn violent behaviour of all kind, it’s never ok.

Start Nurturing the Emotional Well-Being of Boys in your life. Whether it’s a partner, friend, son or nephew, all our boys need to know their emotional and mental health is important and valid. Talk about it with them, allow and encourage them to be vulnerable, to cry, to hug. Big boys do cry and should cry rather than internalize, drink or commit suicide.

Stop Blaming the Victim– it is so simple. A person’s genitals or gender identity do not dictate they are responsible for being attacked, raped, killed or abused in any way. It doesn’t matter what they wear or say, neither does where they spend their time.

Start Considering Girls and Women as Valuable, rather than objectify them. If you’re thinking ‘Of course I don’t do that’, remember a time you looked at a woman and made internal comments about her body weight or shape? That time you judged another woman’s clothing? That time you said to a 4-year-old how pretty her dress is? These are all examples of objectification of women. We must teach our girls the way they look does not define them and they don’t need a man to be valued and fulfilled. We must teach our boys that girls and women are equal human beings, not objects to be used for one’s pleasures.

Next time you meet a female, don’t comment on her appearance. This applies to girls and women of all ages. If you need help with other things to say, you can try one of the following instead: “How has your morning been?” “What have you been reading lately?” “What’s your favorite TV series/movie?

Use the words Kid, Person, and People, rather than boys, girls, men, women. The English language is fortunate to have these separate, gender-neutral alternatives which respect the person’s decision to identify as they like in regard to gender (not all languages have these options). If you know someone’s pronouns of course that’s respectful to use those.

Be More Curious and Make Less Assumptions– stop assuming or guessing people’s gender identity from the way they look, what they wear, their hairstyle. You can be and often are, wrong. It also does not matter. The person’s interests, likes, beliefs and personality would not be revealed through guessing their gender identity. Female children should not be only gentle and pretty, nor does male children be only aggressive and hyperactive. Females are often go-getters, assertive and loud. That’s normal. Males are often kind, gentle and cuddly. That’s normal.

Demand From and Reward Males and Females Equally. Flashing news! Females are not born with a natural ability to do the washing. It is not “helping” when you’re doing work in your own home. Labour in the home (including housework and child-rearing) is work, at least as demanding as work outside the home, and thus should be shared and rewarded equally. Males and females both have the incredible capacity for learning. Teach every child to take part in the household jobs.

Question, everything. Question why you think a particular colour, occupation or personality attribute belongs to a particular gender or sex. It is all in our society’s perception. A good example from Ford is that some years ago, pink was considered a boyish colour due to its resemblance to red (the colour of blood), whereas blue was a tame colour belonging to girls.

Call It Out– next time someone makes a comment which justify male aggression or objectify females, CALL IT OUT. Say it’s not okay. Any societal change starts with you.

L. K. Bridgford

16 June 201916 June 2019

Things I didn’t expect about owning a Cocker Spaniel

When I was a little kid, I was subscribed to a kids’ animal magazine. It arrived every few weeks in the mail, and I loved it. Living in the city, we didn’t get to see many animals, so it was the second-best thing, learning about horses, cats and different breeds of dogs, along with beautiful, poster-size pictures, of which I picked my favourites to go on the wall. That was how I fell in love with Cocker Spaniels. Their long ears and genuine, soft eyes, along with their thick silky coat, always got to me. Any time I met a Cocker in person, they were so happy and cuddly, and it melted my heart.

A couple of years ago my dream finally came true and we got a Cocker Spaniel puppy, who we named Chilli. I’ve done the research about their personality and what you can expect, thinking this will be easy. We were told Cocker Spaniels didn’t need much exercise, they were content just being with the family. As a child we had a Golden Retriever and I imagined Cockers to be just a smaller, easier-to-manage version of them. I was due for a rude shock.

With a favourite toy

Here are some of the things I didn’t expect about a Cocker Spaniel:

Anxiety- Chilli has such high anxiety that he is incapable of staying outside while we’re inside for more than a minute, without crying, barking or hitting the door. This also applies to leaving him outside a coffee shop or the chemist, literally impossible without creating a scene. When we do leave him outside a shop, people often look at him with mercy, wondering if he has been abandoned, as he looks and sounds so upset.
Energy levels- Chilli has an infinite amount of energy to spend, and this is not an exaggeration. He regularly comes back from two hours of running around the park and playing with other dogs, ready for more exercise. It is nearly impossible to tire him out. We send him to the country with family to help with this, which usually buys us one day of manageable energy levels upon his return. Then it’s game on again.
Difficulty to train- I was actually told about this by some people before we got Chilli, but chose to attribute it to individual dogs or owners who didn’t really know how to train dogs. My father was a dog trainer and I thought we will have a better idea. I was wrong. Except for basic commands which he obeys (sometimes), it has been harder to train him than I ever imagined. It’s not that he doesn’t understand, he simply doesn’t want to obey a lot of the time.
Grooming- I’ll admit, I love brushing Chilli’s long, beautiful hair. But the amount of time it takes to fully brush him is around one hour and to maintain the hair properly you’re looking at a daily brush. Needless to say, this is nearly impossible. Add to this the ears and paws that get wet at every single walk in winter, and you are up for a failure in maintaining the hair in its’ perfect-looking condition. If you think maintaining the hair is just for looks, think again. The extra-long hair creates more mess than shedding, regularly having grass seeds, dry leaves and dirt stuck to it, creating the perfect combination of mess on our floors.
Food- Talking about mess, most dogs are good at one thing when it comes to household chores- cleaning up food scraps. Not Chilli. Chilli has never been very interested in food (thus contributing to the difficulty in training him) and he often leaves food scraps untouched on the floor. Worst yet, he has a bizarre habit of taking food pieces to the living-room rug, and after a good sniff and a lick, leave it there. You will not be surprised to hear we have an ant problem in our house.
Attention- unlike a Golden Retriever, Chilli wants almost constant attention from us. Following us around the house (which is small!), getting between our legs, jumping on us and barking for attention are regular behaviours in our home. And I haven’t even mentioned guests, who produce any combination of barking, jumping, begging for attention and running around the place trying to contain his excitement.

If you think all of this is normal puppy behaviour, you’re right. Except Chilli is almost two years old and after meeting older Cockers, I’m confident to say this does not often change with age.

I love Chilli and am so grateful to have such a happy, loving dog in our life. He provides much joy and laughter with his silliness and excitement about life. But sometimes you just want to relax on the couch and write a blog post in peace, without the crying or jumping that was my company for this writing session.

L. K. Bridgford

8 June 201916 June 2019

Why I chose to live in Australia

In light of recent depressing incidents in Australia (i.e. the murder of Courtney Herron and the election results), I thought it timely to reflect on why I am here in the first place. It’s also a good opportunity for setting the scene for my blog and introducing myself.

Born and raised in Israel, I never thought of Australia as an interesting destination to travel. There were no exciting or exotic stories about the place, unlike other destinations I heard of. The movies and TV I watched were set in the U.S. and that was the home of English-speaking culture that I knew. In fact, there were no stories at all, so as far as I could tell, Australia was on another planet.

Here are a few of the reasons I decided to move here;

The food – I love being transported into Thailand, India, Ethiopia, or anywhere else on the globe simply by tasting a traditional meal in Melbourne.
The people -You can be anything and anyone you want here, and that is freeing in a way that’s hard to explain to those who know nothing else. People respect each other’s privacy in a way I haven’t experienced before, which allows you to just be. There are way less cultural expectations here which means I need to explain myself so much less. In fact I rarely have to explain my decisions to others in Melbourne, people mostly accept my decisions as they are, mine.
The roads- some of you might be tempted to leave this blog right now thinking I have no idea what I’m talking about (road rage right?). But hear me out. I used to live in Tel Aviv and finding a park there is literally impossible. I’m not talking about a need to walk 10 minutes to get home. I’m talking about no where to park. I would often spend 40 minutes or more after an evening shift trying to find a park and resorted to parking on the sidewalk, while blocking a pedestrian crossing. This means I had to get up at 6am to move the car before getting a fine. So the Melbourne driving situation is a huge improvement, and besides, public transport here is awesome (see the next point!).
Public transport- again you might be thinking how terrible our system is and we don’t even have a train to the airport (I’m with you on that!), but hear me out. In Tel Aviv there are no trams, zero. There are only four train stations across the city and the rest you need to manage by bus. Growing up in the 1990s means I still get anxious on the bus (they used to explode in Tel Aviv regularly) but it was my only option. So the tram five minute walk from home in Melbourne, or the train station which takes you anywhere, is AMAZING.
Cost of living- only when you compare how much you earn to how much basic needs cost, you can truly appreciate how easy we have it here in Melbourne. Another way is to live in Tel Aviv, work two jobs and realise you can barely cover the bills. No such thing in Melbourne, where even working for non-for-profit gives me a salary which is nearly four times what I earned in Israel.
Workplace culture- being able to leave work on time, or even having a set end time to your workday, are things you should not take for granted. Back in my home country most people don’t have a time they finish working, and if they do it’s considered unprofessional to leave at that time. You are expected to stay late and is seen as slack or uncommitted if you do otherwise.
Families support- I knew I wanted to have a family in the future, and the organised support system in Australia is better. I’m not saying the best in the world, just better from what I would have got elsewhere. Firstly, new Mothers’ group which we all heard of, is unheard of in Israel. This is one of the most helpful thing a community can offer to new parents. Secondly, the acceptance that women take about 12 months of maternity leave is incredible compared to some countries like to U.S. and Israel, where many women are expected to return to paid employment within several months at the latest. Of course, this is an individual choice, but I am grateful to be living in a country where either choice is fraud upon and women can keep their jobs for longer after having children.

These points are not to say there are no problems in Australia or Melbourne, there are many (which I will get into in future posts!). I do believe that being grateful is important, and also taking things into perspective is critical for our society’s improvement. Once we realise the good we do have, we can focus on what matters and what issues we need to tackle next in our community.

L. K. Bridgford